Here is a further presentation of a person’s, “personal Philosophy” based on modern “assertiveness theory.”
There was more presented than you see here, but I have taken the liberty of editing it to eliminate those things that took away from his “basic assertions” to show why…In my opinion, as one human to another this can be a pzzz poor way to treat people if you’re not damned careful about it!
HAPPINESS IS GETTING WHAT YOU NEED.
EVERYONE NEEDS: Liberty, peace, health, sex, mind exercise, knowledge,
personal associations, art and creativity, character and a sense of
justice, and to be assertive (to be able to say “no” without feeling
guilty).
NO ONE NEEDS ARBITRARY POWER OVER OTHER PEOPLE – but it is normal to want it.
(I have added here a couple phrases to Mortimer Adler’s definition of happiness).
Also assertive behavior is associated with happiness
The Science of Assertiveness theory — aka folk knowledge (trial and error science)
Assertive (Leadership) behavior of humans: Builds relationships
Will the long-term affects be worse than any short-term discomfort I may feel if I am assertive in the first place?
The word “NO”, may have to be repeated over and over, as in a broken record.
An angry and loud communication can be assertive if one is expressing feelings (Using the word “I”, ( I am really god damn anger at you …)
vs. HOSTILE behavior-destroys a relationship: … You dumb ass, didn’t your mother teach you to report to work on time, etc. etc. Why, didn’t you do such and such….
If someone has a habit of saying, “Why, don’t you do such and such…” we all understand this to mean “I want you” to do such and such. There seems to be some kind of a minor taboo in our culture against people saying straight up, that they want.
On the use of the word YOU:
…the use of the word “you” is assertive when a person is acting in the role of boss, parent, or leader, for example, a law enforcer, a teacher, the chair of a meeting.
“You are expected to” (follow the rules, etc) , then every time the other person comes up with excuses, sob stories, etc, repeating this phase again and again (“You are expected to” (aka using the broken record shows the other person that you are not afraid to stand your ground and they need for them to rethink their poor behavior.
But remember being skeptically silent is assertive. Meaning if I try to get the last word.. will I get punched in the nose or some other bad result.
Speaking up in a group to speak is assertive because one is taking the “psychological space” of the whole group.
Hostile behavior: A person uses sarcasm and intimidation to get what they want. One may get what they want, but destroys the relationship afterwards.
It is easy to give up the benefits of hostile behavior when I value myself enough to avoid getting agitated over minor issues and when I am imperfect and incorrect.
Non-assertive behavior: (shy behavior) doing nothing about unpleasant situations and simply try to ignore ones feelings and desires. While it may prevent conflicts with others, one probably will wind up feeling helpless, exploited, angry, and disappointed with one’s self. Being “too shy” to do something.
For example, “I am sorry to bother you.” This is an example, of how being NICE sucks us into a non-assertive down-hill fall. vs. “I want to talk to you.” “ I need your help or I need or want to talk to you.”
or “It was nice talking to you.” (when it wasn’t and you didn’t enjoy talking to them).
Basic Assertive Rights:
1. The right to act in ways that promote my dignity and self-respect as long as others’ rights are not violated in the process.
2. The right to be treated with respect.
3. The right to say no and not feel guilty.
4. The right to experience and express feelings.
5. The right to take time to slow down and think.
6. The right to change my mind.
7. The right to ask for what I want.
8. The right to do less than I are humanly capable of doing.
9. The right to ask for information.
10. The right to make mistakes.
11. The right to feel good about myself.
Must I always assert my rights?
No, I am always free to choose not to assert myself, assuming that I am also willing to take the responsibility for whatever consequences may then occur.
” I don’t have to be assertive all the time”. Or “I don’t have to be perfect.. I have a right to make mistakes.”
Source: The Assertive Option by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange
and NO TRESPASSING by Barker and Barker.
REBUTTAL BY REVEREND BRUCE.
In the following I included the list of his “basic assertive rights,” again, for clarity of presentation. If you re-read the upper portion though you will see that the whole premise is shot full of holes from the git go…..At the end of the presentation I explain how and why. ENJOY!….AND AS ALWAYS……..CHOOSE WISELY……………..TAWODI.
Basic Assertive Rights:1. The right to act in ways that promote my dignity and self-respect as long as others’ rights are not violated in the process.
2. The right to be treated with respect.
3. The right to say no and not feel guilty.
4. The right to experience and express feelings.
5. The right to take time to slow down and think.
6. The right to change my mind.
7. The right to ask for what I want.
8. The right to do less than I are humanly capable of doing.
9. The right to ask for information.
10. The right to make mistakes.
11. The right to feel good about myself.
Must I always assert my rights?
No, I am always free to choose not to assert myself, assuming that I am also willing to take the responsibility for whatever consequences may then occur.
” I don’t have to be assertive all the time”. Or “I don’t have to be perfect.. I have a right to make mistakes.”
Source: The Assertive Option by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange
and NO TRESPASSING by Barker and Barker.
While I find your treatise interesting it kinda falls short in several respects. As latter day Philosophical arguments are wont to do.
I must admit that most of it will stand a simple examination sort of only at the surface of it but I will outline my exceptions and give you the WHY at the end of my post.
Assertiveness training is largely a crock and here’s why.
Basic Assertive Rights:
1. The right to act in ways that promote my dignity and self-respect as long as others’ rights are not violated in the process. [Granted; Not bad on surface examination, but there are corollaries extent, for instance; who decides the “right” of the issue? ]
2. The right to be treated with respect. [ To be treated with respect in almost any surrounding isgranted by earning it Not simply because you demand it. What makes you special?]
3. The right to say no and not feel guilty. [granted; unless it comes from risk assessment to your self…. and not to others!]]
4. The right to experience and express feelings.[Granted; You should be aware though, your assumption here…. is that anyone CARES how you feel about the issue at hand….. Sorry about that. ]
5. The right to take time to slow down and think.[ Granted; if time permits…but remember…. it will NOT BE…. if you do not grant that same luxury to others under your charge.]
6. The right to change my mind.[ Granted; Only someone with an ossified mind would refute this. As long as you are willing to bear the expense, and consequences, of doing so.]
7. The right to ask for what I want. [Granted]….just don’t expect to get it.
8. The right to do less than I are ( sic)…. (am)…. humanly capable of doing. [Granted; reciprocity being an equal granting of “the right” by you…… When you are the one who is forced to make excuses for poor production performance]
9. The right to ask for information. [Granted; one cannot proceed very well in any endeavor without accurate information……. Be ready to say you didn’t understand what you were told though.]
10. The right to make mistakes. [Granted; Every body does…Are you ready to stand and say…. NO EXCUSE SIR!…. If so then…. Carry on!]
11. The right to feel good about myself. [Granted; IF you deserve to! ]
Must I always assert my rights?
No, I am always free to choose not to assert myself, assuming that I am also willing to take the responsibility for whatever consequences may then occur. [WHAT responsibility? You didn’t offer any thing to what ever develops, did you?] Ergo: cheap cop out!
” I don’t have to be assertive all the time”. [Granted; Because that would be a little overbearing wouldn’t it?]
Or “I don’t have to be perfect”….” I have a right to make mistakes.” [Granted;…. Asked and answered.]
Sir; please understand that my issue is not with you, but, when a piece is delivered by some one else… even if attributed to them…. and then claimed as a personal philosophy,…. well then it AIN’T very damned personal then….. IS IT?
It BEGS, literally BEGS, to be defeated seriatum, ( or, in detail.)
But for modern day philosophy, being what that is….. I would rate it at about fifty per cent….. on the conscience scale.
Be well friends…………….Rev. Bruce……………………………Tawodi
LIFE RELIGION FAMILY 