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Archive for the ‘HELP!!! some one I love is dying’ Category

Getting help in the worst of times when you need it most. Hospice, is it really that scary?

Hospice care death and dying and psychological aspects of care

Posted by tawodi on August 9, 2007

On my blog radio show TAWODI’S HAWKS NEST for the last two weeks I have dedicated the shows to the care of the dying and their families.  I have noticed that this subject gets a lot of hits here on the blog. Sooo I decided that perhaps to talk of it may help those who come here looking for that help. If you look on the right hand column you will see a blog roll and about half way down there is Tawodi’s Hawks nest click there and you will go to the show and the archived segments click on the large blue type at the top left and you will find them listed . they are down loadable in ipod or mp 3 format or you can set a tape recorder in front of your speakers and tape ie or direct feed in stereo to the tape deck if so equipped DO NOT worry about copyrighted material it is all mine and you are welcome to it as is everyone in any aspect of my ministry. If you have further questions you can ask them here or at the show page comment section .

Be well,  take care …………..Rev. Bruce………………………………………………….Tawodi


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Posted by tawodi on June 13, 2007

In today’s world the word,  Hospice,  has taken on new meaning from that which it used to have.  If you are here reading this,  you may have already recieved the shock of your life.  You,  or someone you love,  has gotten the news that you,  or they,  have contracted an illness that is not survivable.  It does make a difference which it is,  you,  or they.

In many cases  you may have heard of them,  but,  you may not. Usually the first use of Hospice is when a loved one is the one who will need them and that is because they are older and more at risk than you.

O.K.  you have gotten the news,  have you talked with the person in question about what their wishes are?  If so, you are now looking to find out the next step. Most care givers have a pamphlet or hand out that they give to patients to whom they give this news, along with some counselling,  others do not.

So now you may find yourself cast adrift so to speak and wondering where you go from here.  If you are not a church goer it may be doubly difficult for you to access help because you don’t have anybody with experience to show you the way.

The very first place to look is in the phone book under Hospice. The next is public health services they are constantly reffering people from all over the map so to speak,  to different services and caregivers.

DO NOT,  be afraid to call them if you are poor… they are set up to offer care to the dying even with no money exchanging hands,  as a matter of fact they very often are completely free of charge to all.  Most of the people who serve are trained volunteers and they don’t charge so the service does not either.

The range of services they offer is as follows, I by the way have set many people up with some or all of them.

Placement for those who can not go home for terminal care,  due to lack of family members to help care for them.

Arranging the home care equipment such as oxygen,  toilet helps,  hospital type beds,  excercise equipment,  support care of professionals,  (medicare or other plans pay for this)  Clergy that is specially trained for these circumstances,  support services for the dependants of the terminally ill,  such as help with child counselling,  councilling for you,  people who will come in several times a month so you can take a break from providing care,  (very important) even drivers and others to make this the supportive nurturing experience you and all in your family,  will need to weather the coming trials.

One of the things that brings grace to these situations is the fact that you will have time to face this,  to grieve together as a family and to get to know the one who will pass. I have written before what a great boon it is to be able to make audio or video tapes of conversations with the loved one and preserve who and what they were,  for you and your family, yes, but also for them,  it is a great comfort to know you will not be forgotten. The thoughts and love they have for you can be stated and confirmed while alive,  looking you in the eye,  a grace that some never receive to give to their loved ones before they pass from this life.

The plans for after death and what will be the final disposition of property,  keepsakes and momentos,  is critically important to some people as they attach a special signifigance to each item with certain members of the family. Record these wishes either on tape or write them down,  it will be of great comfort to them.

Last,  but by no means least,  Hospice care extends to the family before and after the passing of the family member,  there are support groups to help you weather the storm and there will be a storm.  You will be concentrating on the care of the person who is ill when the end comes,  it can come to pass that you will suddenly find that you NEED some help,  all your emotions and fears needs and wants have been on the back burner,  some times for months or even as long as a year or more. All most every one involved with the long term care of a loved one passes through this and needs and DESERVES help.  The range of emotions you will go through,  is almost infinite and pricipally guilt,  is the most dangerous one.

One of the best weapons I can give you is this,  every thing you feel is real, they are your feelings and you have a right to them, you can not, control  your  feelings,  BUT,  you can control what you do with them,  and self destruction of the bad feeling need not overwhealm you,  if you have help. The people involved in Hospice care are familiar with this aspect of things and nothing you say,  will surprise them,  bring them dismay,  or poison their feeling for YOU and what you are going through. There is a reason for this. They’ve been there, most of the volunteers in Hospice care have become familiar with them because they used this care for a loved one and they,  themselves were greatly helped and want to pass it forward,  so to speak,  to others in need of the support and assistance they received  in a terrible time,  a time made bearable by the loving support of the Hospice volunteers,  around the world.  If you have questions post them in a comment I will answer them every one with information  and the places to go to find help

Be well all and at peace………Rev.  Bruce                                                  Tawodi

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Posted by tawodi on May 24, 2007

The  single most frightening thing about being a human being is that someday we,  all of us,  must die.  There is no way out of this and the only way we have to prepare for it is to live through the death of a friend or a loved one.

I do a lot of visitation and Hospice work.  Many ask me how I can deal with the depressing aspects of it.  The answer is complex and at the same time simple.  As any human being who has reached maturity knows,  death comes to us in many ways,  almost all of which are too soon.

Other times some one is told they have a terminal illness and palliative care is all that can be given to ease them through it. In  todays world  this is a great blessing,  because the patient can be kept conscious and alert,  with  almost no, or no pain at all,  some times till they enter the time of fatal stress.

Some may think that this is a macabre subject to put on a blog page,  but it is part of life.  Most assuredly one that we shy away from,  but part of life none the less. To turn away in fear or not prepare for these things,  is a grave disservice to our families and those we may leave behind.

To turn away in fear from those who are in this extremity is forgivable,  but just barely,yes,  just barely. Those of us who labor in this field find that great knowledge and comfort can be given and gained,  from  sharing with those who will pass . How we love them,  the things they may want done,  writings that may be engaged in,  to prove to them they will NOT be forgotten and the legacy of their dreams for their families,  children,  wives,  husbands and friends can be assured.

First and foremost,  the way to approach this is that death is just the other end of life,  it is natural  and at some point,  if there is time,  must be accepted.

Time is what we are addressing here,  time to adjust,  to accept,  to plan,  share,  grieve together,  prepare for  the loss and then prepare for the celebration of the life of the one who has passed over.

A  large section of the populace has discovered by passing through these trials, that  a deep and lasting bond of knowledge of the person involved is gained.  They reveal things and events no one knew,  or at least you didn’t know and the depth of the person can more readily be appreciated.  Who they are,  what they are,  what they have accomplished,  the things they excelled at and the failure they overcame to finally win through,  to whatever success they enjoyed in life. A rich tapestry can be and often is,  created of the person we THOUGHT we knew.  Something to carry with us in our own life.  To enrich us and our loved ones as well,  by bringing to them a fuller picture of who this person was.

This is just the opening dialog of this category,  and it is a long ongoing work,  as detailed  and as different  as the human beings on the planet,   in it’s complexity and as I said,  it’s simplicity.

As time goes on you will see an increasing body of knowledge in each category and they are to be designed to be a reference for you to use to direct others to and use and in general begin to cover many subjects that seem to be taboo in society but really shouldn’t be.

As you have visited and read and perhaps are thinking of sharing or asking a question feel free to do so as these posts have gone up and you have read them you are seeing more and more of who I am and what I think and believe. If you feel it a help,  use it.  If you think I’m  full of beans,  well  maybe you’re right!!  I just might be!!  Some think so,  others do not,  but all come to understand we,  together,  can do some amazing things,  and then you,  by your self,  can do them,  and amaze others!!

Be well friends,…Tawodi…out

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