LIFE RELIGION FAMILY

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Posts Tagged ‘Jewish’

MODERN DAY CONUNDRUM OR PROPHET, PROPHET, WHO’S GOT THE PROPHET

Posted by tawodi on September 23, 2007


I was thinking this morning that it’s been awhile since I have posted,  (again)  eleven days or so and it got me to thinking ………What would it be like to be a prophet in todays world ? NO  I  am NOT saying I’m a prophet!! I was just……Never mind………Anyway lets imagine you’re sitting on your lawn chair one afternoon and you hear a voice, no wait I just went one better!!  You are reading the Boston Phoenix and perusing the personal ads and find this………………

WANTED;  Young person male or female 25 to 35 …must be willing to travel,  speaking skills of the highest order required, ability  to follow EXPLICIT  instructions a must!! Travel arrangements will be forwarded but,  applicant must be willing to walk …A  LOT!!  Clothing allowance minimal,   as a matter of fact wardrobe to consist of leather belt and hair shirt, ( Type of hair, your choice)  Food allowance,  food will be provided………..must NOT be allergic to Honey and bugs……lots of bugs!!

Name change may be required, (  if your name is John or Joan you can disregard this requirement)  Long hours, meet new people, travel to strange distant lands sel………er………spreading a message from a VERY special source!!

Family ties may be an encumbrance so it is reccomended that applicant be single,  unnattached ( NO DIVORCE’S) able to pull up stakes at a moments notice, ( Yes, tent is available) work long hours, at no pay,  face down hostile audiences and hecklers,  some of quite renowned status, and most importantly keep you wits about you,  and  a  good head on your shoulders!!  ( More about this part later!)  CALL  1 800 God is waiting………

HELLO!  uh…yes it is…..What’s your name?  John! EXCELLENT, where are you calling from John?   Earth!,  well John I  KNEW  that,  yes….yes I did…..as a matter of fact your address is………no I’m not using caller I.D.  Yes I can answer those questions………..remuneration????  OH! what does the job PAY  yes,  of course I understand why you might ask that!!  Well John it doesn’t pay any thing….no  not one red cent…..But I must say it is a, very,  Rewarding path to follow!!   Yes your  insightfull nature  IS a help, but  is not required but,, you MUST be willing to forgo immediate gratification, as a matter of fact, all your rewards except one must come from simply doing the job…………….that one?  UUHHMMMM,, …well…it’s eternal life……………NO!  REALLY!!!   You can trust me it’s true!!  ETERNAL LIFE!!  Prove it?  This has ALWAYS  been the sticky part…………….O.K. but if I prove it you’ve GOT to take the job…………..deal???   John?    John???   OH!  thought I’d lost you there for a moment!!…………….Still thinking?  Go  ahead take your time  I  have all the time in the world……it’s O.K. to laugh  John,  it’s a little joke on my part………..no really,  it’s O.K. ……………still thinking?   Take your time…….

Well  lets see,  I had the same question from a guy named Moses,  he said he wouldn’t know what to say either,  so I explained to him,  it’s  kind of like the military, you’ll be told what you need to know,  when you need to know it…….you don’t like the military way of thinking??   Oh you don’t believe they are CAPABLE of thinking!!……………Uh  John  let’s get something straight right now.  Soldiers think much more about what REALLY matters than you John….yes they do,  after all,  they are putting their lives on the line for you!!….Yes they are. Why??  So you can sit on your couch and when Sue comes over …..Never mind….yeah John I know about that… I’m God remember???  NO!  I’m not trying to twist your arm to take the job…really I’m not!!  Have you thought it over??………..Retirement?  uuhh,  John,  you won’t have to worry about that…….yes,  I’m  sure.  Vacations??    Nope, none!!  Health care!??    I’ll take care of that for you…..yes  I can gaurantee that…….in writing??………….well……..tell you what,   look out the window…………YEAH!!  That really is neat isn’t it!!  Yellow ?? You want to see the letters in yellow??  Alright look again……like that huh?    blue………don’t push it, John!! 

Foriegn languages uhmmm  you wont need to worry about that either….How do I know?    John,  John,  John,, remember who this is??  You want to be sure??  Turn on your T.V.  never mind I will…….What no that’s easy  no it really is I just think…..well never mind that now watch this….yes that really is you….yes that is Swahili , no,  it’s not a trick,  yeah that ones French….German…..Swedish…..Get the idea???  Yeah,  pretty much any thing I want to do…….Well,  yes,  John I could MAKE  you do it,  but that wouldn’t be right……Why??   Well John,  when you make the rules you kinda,  sorta,  gotta stick by them,  know what I mean??  It would be bad form to break my own rules now,  wouldn’t it!!  Of course I do!!  I love you John,  I love all my creations……well that could be a problem………..Do you HAVE to love me??  Well no,  you don’t,  but it would be really nice if you did….No John I’m not going to send you to Hell…REALLY  I’m NOT  Why??  Well I’ve got this book and it tells you all the rules ….yes they are every where and for cheap money  after you read it you’ll give me your answer………….Great John……and John,  when you need a little help understanding some of it…. you call me,  you hear…………yes John I’ll be here,   I’m  ALWAYS  HERE  John………yeah,  I’ll wait to hear from you, bye now.  ( click.)

Today is Sunday………..Shabatt…Shalom………..Rev.  Bruce…………………………………………………Tawodi.

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